But his answer was: "My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak." I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses in order to feel the protection of Christ's power over me. I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor 12:7-10)

I guess those who happen to talk to me personally or over chat or have read some of my recent blogs will know that I am strugling with work. I have been complaining a lot. A trait that is alien to me before I got here. hahaha. Seriously, I don't recall voicing out 'complains' this bad in my entire life. Its only God who use to hear them - a lot. Now, I have given people the the time and torture to actually hear me ranting. Blah blah blah. We all go through it... and its draining and tiring and feels like I'll pop a vain in my head - either due to work or due to ranting. I have been circling around the negative and getting stuck.

Today, I am not here to complain. I am here to thank God and let Him know, that I know how blessed I am. I get to fly to Jakarta, Indonesia and to KL, Malaysia all in the same month, with friends and family. I get to serve in a Christian Life Program (CLP), that I haven't done in a really long, long time. I am able to meet knew people in my life, learn to encourage and likewise learn from their experiences as well. I have job applications moving when the only thing I did was to update my resume and submit it here and there. I have my parents here visiting me for more than a week, which is nice because I get to eat home cook breakfast and dinner from work. I have my mom to tell me that how creases in my tshirt would show and she'll iron it. hahaha. I have people encouraging me to stay strong and do my work... I have to get out of my nega cycle. Breath In Breath Out.

I have some decisions make. Things that I am currently praying for. I know God wants what is best for me. I need to see and hear His answer through my prayers, and all this ranting will not exactly help me see it, right? So I need to focus on my blessings, do my work, breath in breath out. I will get through this, God always does lead the way. I might have stumbled upon His answer today...I just need to build the trust and keep on praying.

God places us in unique circumstances where our abilities match the problem He wants to fix. Jesus said that what we do for those in need, we do for him (Mt 25:35-40).
Have you found a problem? How might you be God's solution? God may want you to be an answer to someones prayer. -Julie Ackerman Link
By God's design, there lies in wait for you important work that no one else can do. Just as the planets find their paths through space, You too must grow to fill your proper place. -Thayer
When God shows you a problem, he may ask you to be His solution.

One sunny afternoon while chiling out at a friends house, Jek (friend, former officemate, now googler), told me about themes in gmail. He asked me if I was using the themes, and I was but just to change color in my mail. He told me that there is this theme who change weather as the weather changes... So tried it out.. these past few days i thought its not working at all. I was only seing this long necked giraffe and people patiently waiting at the bus stop... awww.

But just now I was looking at the window and looking at the rain, hearing the thunder doing its thing... perfect weather for a lazy chore day sunday at home... then checked my email and cool! it was raining as well! poor little people, but definitely cute!

If you have a gmail account, you can check it out. Go to Settings, Themes, find the one with the long necked giraffe (is there such a thing as a short necked giraffe??) and set where you are at. Maybe if its raining one day you'll see the theme changing weather! Love it! This is a fun blog

I am 27 after all... so this year instead of doing resolutions in the new year I decided to do resolutions or goals that I would like to achieve before my next birthday. At least I could have some leverage if I indeed grew a year older and wiser. But I only got to finish this list now, few weeks after my birthday... less than 365 days left, so have to hurry! hehehe. Never thought that its hard to fill in 27 checklist... Here's goes - in no particular order...

1. Get a tattoo.
2. Be Optimistic in a situation that I normally wouldn't be.
3. Break a rule that is out of my comfort zone.
4. Do an extreme sport.
5. Study new technology.
6. Read and finish a book.
7. A day of silence - no celphone, internet, tv, or whatever techy stuff.
8. Do a photoshoot of my wannabe pre-nup emo-bride.
9. Do charity work.
10. Update my resume, at least every quarter.
11. Live and spend within my means. Simplify and create abundance.
12. Say 'I Love You', and mean it.
13. Use my sewing machine to sew something wearable.
14. Blog about one meaningful homily.
15. Travel to a country with a different time zone.
16. Take up a class.
17. Chat with a total stranger.
18. Be selfish with my time.
19. Get another piercing.
20. Join a contest.
21. A day alone going around Singapore and taking photos.
22. Write a short story.
23. Do something totally out of character.
24. Be healthy and fit.
25. Will (try) not go to work on weekends.
26. Study, speak/read/understand a foreign language - not java.
27. Praise God.

I am tired.. exhausted... confused... feels like i'm getting sick... I am trying to make things better... but i guess we are all have to be responsible of our actions. I quit.

For the past few days I am trying to fill up 27 goals (since I AM 27) till my next birthday but unfortunately I haven't finished making the list. Who knew 27 is such a long list to do! darn, feels like i'm that old but ofcourse I'm not! i've got a really long way to go in this life... One item in the list is being optimictic... *sigh* I haven't finalize anything yet but it feels like I'm soo frustrated... I think I'll cross out that one, because no matter how I try, gosh, this isn't easy for me.. I end up being pessimistic about it... argh! Sometimes I would like to kick myself back all the way till infanthood when it feels that life is perfect... no problems...or maybe there are problems but then I was just too young to worry about them...

I'm confused... because would you love.. um.. or maybe love is such a strong word... um.. would you harvest that emotional feeling of like or infatuation towards somebody else if you know that THAT someone else will not love you back.. ika nga the ultimate question... ano pipiliin mo? Ang taong mahal mo or taong mamahalin ka?... I know you are probably confused as well.. you're probably asking, What the hell is Jeng talking about??? I know ako rin hindi ko na maintindihan.. kasi I have never been in a situation like this, wherein people do the craziest things... or maybe I have.. but not like this...self help books doesn't teach... and no matter how supportive you could be.. still people goes for things that logically doesn't make sense but tawag daw ng puso e...but like a knife piercing your heart... alam mong mali, pero ayun ka nagpapakatanga sa longing feeling na what if... hay naku get the point? Well maybe not because at this point I'm talking nonsense.

Just ranting I guess.. letting the negativity out... breathing sensitivity and rationalism in... maybe I should take up a bisyo? Yosi? Inuman? Nah... I don't have money for that.. saving up for travelling...

eto na lang siguro, I'll pray for healing na lang... that Lord you mend wounds and heal whats broken. That you bless us with discernment and understanding.. that you enlighten all who are like me confused and strengthen us who are weak. That you guide the lost in the right path and that let them realize that they are not alone in this life and that there are like us who care. Hay, lablyf... now i know why i'm still single...i won't tell you my exact thoughts but i'm telling you now that its not because i'm gay i'm not!

See things are feeling better for me now... writing it down.. blogging it... God, I really need guidance... I don't know how to react anymore... but I love what I googled...alam ko nakikinig na si Lord
Psalm 23 - The Lord is my shepherd.

The Lord is my shepherd.

I have everything I need! I have His love, I have His forgiveness, I have His joy. He gives to me exactly what I need when I need it.

The Lord is my shepherd.

Worry no longer consumes me. God is in control. He gives me peace and I find rest in His love.

The Lord is my shepherd.

He forgives every one of my sins. He throws my sin of selfishness into the deepest sea. He throws my sin of doubt to the farthest horizon. He throws my sins away and never brings them up again.

The Lord is my shepherd.

He has made a way for me to be right. I don't have to struggle to be perfect. He has offered the perfect sacrifice for my sins. I am righteous in His sight.

The Lord is my shepherd.

Death will one day knock on my door, but I will fear not. He walks with me, holding my hand, showing me the way home.

The Lord is my shepherd.

The devil has no hold on me. God has cleared the way for me to live in freedom. He invites me to eat and drink at the family table.

The Lord is my shepherd.

He heals all my wounds. He bandages my bleeding heart, He soothes my aching spirit, He kisses away the hurt.

The Lord is my shepherd.

My life is so full. Full of wonder, full of joy, full of hope. My life overflows.

The Lord is my shepherd.

God's goodness and mercy is mine for keeping. He has offered it and I have accepted. It is mine forever and ever.

The Lord is my shepherd.

This place is not my home. But heaven is my forever home. And there I will live with the God who has loved me passionately, cared for me tenderly, and prepared for me tirelessly that eternity.

The Lord is my shepherd.

Hay.. my friend alam ko confused ka rin now... I pray that you find someone if not me who will guide you and tell you what to do. I don't think I am made for this type of struggle.

I am happy and blessed.

When this year has started, I was with strong faith and determination that God always provide. He as a great plan for me. And he never disappoints. I quit my stable job and exchange it for a very uncertain fate in Singapore. For those who knew I was resigning, it was small reunions after another. Ofcourse I had my fears of not finding a job but then again, I knew the risk I was talking. No turning back I guess. My Alternative??

After celebrating my birthday, I was off to Singapore. With free - pay later lodging, I guess I was one of the luck ones who doesn't have much expense other than what I spend for myself. But pressure ticks everyday that I need to look for work. As work has always been part of my life even back in college, it was a nice break but can't be bum forever. As days, turn into weeks, and weeks turn into month. I can't help but feel sad and confused. Did I really made the right choice? But these are things only God has the answer so I offered all to God.

But there are other things that occopied my time. Which was somehow productive in some sense...

  

My Brain started working again... and God willing I found a job that is a fit to what I know. Even being called unacceptable seemed to be ok. I just needed the right focus and mind set I think I going to be ok. I have work again! And I still thank God everyday for blessing me and giving me the chance to know my worth. And to top it, God was even kinder to bring one happy soul along.. yey! Teamate!

With a few more blessing that came into my life this year, like new SFC family and friends, couple of places I could only imagine I could visit, plays and musicals, and material wealth.. *sigh* I really feel happy and blessed.

The last time I met Johann he was just a tiny bump in Teng's belly. Cute cute! I was suppose to meet him around august but too bad wasn't able to go home. Now finally did meet the new little guy in Jamih and Tengs life. Ang Cute! sabi ni Teng nakakarami na ako ng kiss. hehehe kakagigil kasi e... konti na lang kakagatin ko na, cute cute kasi. Next time may bayad na bawat kiss... hahaha. mahal. I want one! LOL! errr... careful what I wish for. Mahirap ata yan. Pogi di ba? tsk tsk tsk. Mukhang daming chicks paiiyakin ni Johann a.. Johann, o bad yun ah =) hehehe.

Next is I got permed! Um, really hesitant of doing permanent damage to my hair but what the heck I plan to cut it really short anyways so might as well curl it then cut it really short later (maala Katie Homes). And so did Iam and Dyane. hehehe. aliw aliw. Tony and Jackey is not so bad. Just took a little longer than what I expected. 6 hours! tagal!

It been awhile since I typed in an entry in my tabulas. My last entry was a failed attempt to make a new entry from my itouch. I didn't have time to try it again in my itouch.

Although I did have a couple of entries in my multiply journal just to vent out some frustrations. I didn't have time to replicate it here in tabulas.

Oh well

Its the third day of my vacation. Trying to take each day as slow as possible. I am so happy but it hasn't sinked in to me yet. The last time I was home, it was a short weekend trip. And it was memorable for all the wrong reasons. I barely enjoyed my stay because of the bad weather.

Now I think God is more favorable at me. My flight was almost perfect, though I had to work up to the last few minutes before I board the plane, I owe people some stuff. It was not turbulent! Thank God a million times! Then I was greeted with a really nice airport, Terminal 3 was not bad at all, although its so sad that they only use it now, but as they say, better late than never. Then early morning here at home was like Christmas morning. My luggage got ransack, hahaha. The best thing, crispy pata for breakfast! hahaha. Before my flight my mom ask me what food I want when I get home, I said crispy pata and sinigang. Who knew I'll have crispy pata for breakfast! hahaha.. and the fattening begins.

I'm buring holes in my credit card and its only been two days! hahaha. Somehow at the back of my head I'm thinking any moment now my credit card will call me for the sudden movement in my credit card. I've been swipping it none stop since I got here. And I'll even do some charging today. I'm off to Tony and Jackey to have an uber makeover! I want my hair short and wavy for 2009. But like as always, I'm already 1 hour late and time is still ticking. I think I need to cut this entry short... I'll blog again later.

Tahtah!