According to merriam-webster this word means, : not acceptable : not pleasing or welcome

How should I start this blog entry...

I have told a couple of people (maybe half of my YM list already - hehehe) how this word was used to me early this week. I know, that it was my fault in the first place being unprepared (coming across as ignorant) to answer questions being asked to me - hate it when I am put on the spot. Can I use the mental block excuse??? Oh well. Lesson learned.

But I am a little mad because I feel it comes as I being incompetent. With really high expectations and short amount of time to learn everything. Considerations on their part are really onion skin thin.

But then again, every situation should be dealt with positivism and open mindedness. There is always a lesson to be learn and this week I learned that I really need to step up. Start talking, hopefully with a lot of sense and asking stupid questions so I could get answers. Have to meet those darn expectations no matter how high they might seem. And read and remember every informational document I could get my hands on, free up some space in my brain and start saving those information. I should always put a smile on my face no matter how stressed I am or sad I'm feeling because I don't want to grow old wrinkled and grummpy, hehehe.

And like always, I found something inspirational to share. Something that relates to my situation now.

Change
It is wise to bend rather than to break. Those who change will get spiritual wisdom. Conversely, those who have wisdom will decide to change. Change is the first law of Nature.

Yes I know I have to change to the way I am expected to be if I want to make my long term goal

Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all You are

And I would give the world to tell Your story
‘Cause I know that You’ve called me
I know that You’ve called me
I’ve lost myself for good within Your promise
I won’t hide it
I won’t hide it

Jesus I believe in You
And I would go
To the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For You alone are the son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God

Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

*****
This doesn't really put into words the happiness I feel right now. God trully amazing, He deserves 100% of my love. I feel blessed despite being stress... like I feel its really my time, my place, my life. I feel complete already, I mean I have a long way to go but I know where I am going - its not here yet, just inching my way to it but I know I am secure. My family will be secure. I have my life ahead of me. I am happy beyond words.